How to Overcome the Social Identity Crisis at a New Workplace

After five rounds of interviews and many stressful days of preparation, you finally made it. You received the email you were waiting for. “We are pleased to inform you…” You smile and are thrilled. Right now, millions of people are experiencing this exact same moment. They will soon begin a new chapter of their career, many for the first time as well.

However, it’s only after a few weeks at your new job that you notice that the excitement was only temporary. As a recent article on FORTUNE notes, it’s not just Gen-Z; half of employees feel lost at work. They note that this disconnection is especially high among new hires, younger employees, and those in hybrid or white-collar roles like tech, finance, and insurance.

Sometimes, everything from your co-workers, your boss, the workload, and the office culture can leave you feeling like a stranger in your own skin. Today, let’s find out why this happens, and as contradictory as it sounds, more at home at work. 

Understanding the Why Behind the Awkwardness and Isolation 

At the heart of the feelings of disconnection is Henri Tajfel and John Turner’s social identity theory. The core idea is that in addition to your personal identity, you also have a social identity. When you first enter a new workplace, that feeling of nakedness comes from a complete lack of group membership. 

Everyone around you has an established group identity, but you? You’re only equipped with your personal identity. You become conscious of a metaphorical signboard above your head that reads “Outsider” with a giant arrow pointing down at you. No wonder people experience a sort of identity crisis until they find a group to fit into.

The power of feeling like you belong is immense and even has hard data to back it up.

According to Qualtrics’ 2023 Employee Experience Trends Report, Employees who feel they belong show a 56% increase in job performance. They also take 75% fewer sick days and are 34% more likely to stay with their employer.

Until this happens, you feel immense pressure to conform. The more awkward and isolated you feel, the more eager you are to do whatever it takes to find your place. It’s why you often work extra hard and feel the need to be extra helpful and obliging. You don’t have to feel ashamed about that, though. You are simply trying to be accepted by a new group, and that’s a reassuringly human experience.

That said, there are some people who feel like they never find that acceptance or group identity. Let’s explore how this can be overcome below.

Learning to Perform in Your Own Life Drama

Erving Goffman, in his book “The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life,” coined the term “Impression Management.” He put forth the idea (that many philosophers have touched on before) that we are all performers on a social stage. In this play, we constantly try to adjust and tweak how we present ourselves depending on who is watching. 

The problem with this is that an excess of impression management is extremely taxing on the mind. It takes a lot of energy to constantly self-monitor, suppress your real opinions, exaggerate confidence, and mirror your coworkers’ behavior. This performance can sometimes end up being as intensive as another full-time job. 

Thankfully,  companies are starting to recognize this internal turmoil that some employees deal with. As Felician University notes, many employers offer employee assistance programs through which employees can seek counseling.

Today, individuals from HR and employee wellness departments often have or are pursuing a counseling psychology online master’s degree. This makes them more than qualified to help you out in your situation. Pursuing this degree online means they can continue working in their current roles. 

If you feel comfortable speaking to a counselor hired by your employer, it might be worth it. They are bound by ethics and would not air out your feelings to your coworkers. They can help shed light on how other new employees settled in and give you some much-needed reassurance. 

Moreover, they can also help you introspect on areas like the wearing of masks, desire for approval, and insecurities. Working through these aspects will organically lead you to what we discuss in the next point. 

Knowing How to Build an Authentic Identity 

If your goal is to adjust and connect faster to a new workplace, then strengthening your sense of authentic self is key. A 2024 study of 206 workers found a significant positive correlation between perceived authenticity and job satisfaction. Employees who felt they could be true to themselves at work reported higher job satisfaction scores. 

Many people who find it difficult to adjust to a new workplace make the mistake of assuming their identity will be handed to them. Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as that.

You will need to build this identity, and the first step in that process is being willing to be honest with yourself. So, rather than lying to yourself, acknowledge the feelings of discomfort. There’s a lot of power in simply verbalizing to yourself what you are going through. 

For instance, “I feel like everyone is judging me and I don’t know if I am saying the right things,” or “I fear I will be isolated and alone in this strange office.” Get yourself a diary and write them out by hand. Now, once you acknowledge these thoughts and feelings, it’s important not to ruminate and remain stagnant. 

Instead, get out of your head and shift the focus not on yourself but on those around you. This is different from trying to be a people pleaser. Remember that no matter how intimidating your new boss and senior coworkers are, they are human as well. So, put some effort into getting to know them. After all, a big reason for the uneasiness is a complete lack of information on everyone. 

Once again, it might be helpful to stop focusing on yourself and start observing and learning the existing group dynamics. There’s always a pattern to social structures, and once identified, it’s easier to find your place.

All things considered, it’s perfectly natural to feel lost in a new workplace. It’s especially tough for those new to the workforce, but thankfully, the feelings are not impossible to overcome. The next time you question your place at work, simply remember that you have the right to feel like you belong, wherever that may be.